Are you eating that second sandwich?

“Before you ask for healing, make sure you are willing to give up what made you sick.” @RealTalkKim

When I was a freshman in high school, I became obsessed with my weight. All of my friends had a gymnast’s build, and there I was – everything but that.

Looking back, I really didn’t look that bad. However, it seemed so at the time. I remember standing at my mom’s bedroom door, crying, because I was tired of being “fat” — I remember hating the way I looked. The ironic thing was, I had just started chomping down on my second sandwich for lunch while expressing my frustration. I can see the problem clearly now, but I was blind to it back then.

After a lot of begging, my parents finally caved and took me to a local athletic/work-out place where they would put you on a particular diet – weigh you each week, all for a lot of money that my parents couldn’t afford. I remember them telling the lady that gave us the scoop that they would need to ‘think about it’. I could see that they felt bad that they couldn’t afford it. I made sure to tell them before they could tell me it wasn’t possible — I didn’t want them to pay money for me to lose weight.

I became determined to find a way to lose weight. Eventually, I found myself going to the other extreme and would eat a salad or an apple at school for lunch, then a salad for dinner. I’m not talking about the huge salad you get when you order out today — it was a small cereal bowl type salad. Some days, I didn’t eat at all.

There were times during class when I would pop several pieces of gum in my mouth (sometimes a whole pack) because I was starting to get shaky. I couldn’t concentrate at all and my grades showed it. I was doing it all wrong, however, I was seeing the result that I desperately wanted. That’s all that mattered at the time. I let my grades suffer.

By the grace of God, I eventually stopped depriving my body of what it needed, and little by little I added other things to my diet. I remember when I first had a cracker with my salad. I felt incredibly guilty. It was like I was going to ‘ruin’ everything I had worked so hard for. I’m pretty sure I didn’t eat another cracker again for at least a year.

As an adult, I’ve had other things that have consumed me. Have you? Those habits that we lean on to make us feel like we’re in control, good about life, or that fill in the gap for what’s missing?

Maybe there’s something in your life that has its grip on you, something that is destroying you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. How can we expect God to heal us (or anyone) when we allow harmful things to control our life? Do you depend on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, overeating, not eating, pride, lust, comparison, or self-pity to make you feel better about your life?

The next time you go to the Lord in prayer — asking that He would heal you, ask yourself, “Am I continuing to do what I’m asking Him to take away?”

Are you eating that second sandwich?