Six Tips for that Perfect Marriage
If you’re single or have been married for less than 5 years, here are some good tips for you if you’re wanting a perfect marriage. JUST kidding. Those don’t exist, so if you truly believe you have one or are going to have one – you’re only setting yourself up for failure.
What I can give you, however, are some suggestions that will help strengthen your relationship between you and your spouse. None of this is from a book – all from my experience.
First of all, what I needed from my spouse right after we said our I Do’s has drastically changed over the years, but the constant has been this – knowing I had made a commitment to someone who was going to stay with me – no matter what. Lifetime guarantee – until death do us part. Believe me, I’ve tested that guarantee more times than I want to admit.
Sounds old-fashioned? Who cares. It has been part of the glue that has kept us committed to not giving up on each other for over 34 years.
Tip #1: Don’t use your past as an excuse for your behavior. If you had a horrible upbringing, learn from it and don’t repeat it. My husband grew up in a loving home. His parents have been married now for more than 60 years. Mine was extremely dysfunctional. One parent was an alcoholic. They separated once, but never divorced. Other than when I was young, I never saw my parents act like they even liked each other. They yelled at each other when they needed to ‘work’ something out. Need I say more? So when I got married, I never expressed my feelings or my opinion. I never wanted to disagree. I was so afraid of failing, I did everything I could to be a perfect wife, but I was far from perfect. My behavior was unrealistic. The good thing was that I eventually started to let go and not let fear control me or my marriage. What a blessing.
Tip #2: Don’t compare your spouse to anyone else. Do you want them to compare you to someone?
Tip #3: When you talk about your spouse to others, make sure it’s something positive about him/her. You never know when it will come back to them. I recently had dinner with my husband and his co-workers. One of them told me that my husband talks about me every single day and how obvious it was that he loved me. I cannot begin to tell you what that did for me – and for us. It confirmed that he was my best friend, after all.
Tip #4: Surprise your spouse – not like every day! Even once a month… or sometime in your lifetime – preferably before you’re dead. I recently had my wisdom teeth removed. You can only eat food like jello, soup, and whatever else you can find that you don’t have to chew. My husband has never cooked for me in our 34 years of marriage. He surprised me and made scrambled eggs for me. That was better than a dozen roses.
Tip #5: “He completes me!” No, no, NO! Don’t expect your spouse to make you feel complete. Maybe worth a million bucks, but not complete. Only God can do that.
Tip #6: Last, but not least, love your Lord with all your heart. He is the one that created you. He is the one that brought you together. The more I seek Him, the more I love my husband – vice versa.
Marriage is wonderful, but it is hard sometimes. But what a blessing it is when you can look back and see what you’ve overcome, enjoyed, and accomplished in life – together.